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Let's talk

Rape/Assault victims: Phoebe Greenwood wants to hear from you (either sex) if your assault was dismissed "because you had been drinking." She tweeted a few hours ago that she was looking for such stories from women. In response to a reply criticizing her for ignoring male victims, she amended her statement in a second tweet, saying she'd be interested in hearing from men, as well.  
I think she should hear from victims whose assault was dismissed because they're male, or because their perpetrator was female, which I believe happens far more often than the dismissal of an assault strictly because the victim was drinking, regardless of gender.    

Because this looks like a case of a feminist journalist attempting to use reporting only part of the story to support feminism's female-victim rape culture narrative.

How can you help?

If you've been victimized and you've been dismissed when seeking assistance or legal recourse, either because you're male or your perpetrator was female, or if you're male, because you'd been drinking (her original question) please reply to the tweet I sent in response to her request, and describe your experience. If it can't be put into 140 characters, Twit longer is a useful tool for creating longer than normal tweets. The tweet will then show the title, with the option of viewing the rest of the post.

If you haven't, but you know someone who has been dismissed while seeking assistance for any of those reasons, pass the tweet on. If you can, tweet a link to it with a request for responses.

Please only tweet responses that describe wrongful dismissal of your own experience or the experience of someone you know. Though it is frustrating to deal with a person who seems to have an anti-male or at least male-dismissive bias, this will only be productive if we offer evidence rather than blunt or emotional criticism, no matter how justified it might be.

I don't know if we'll touch her heart or change her mind, but at the very least, maybe receiving examples will help Ms. Greenwood see that narrowing her focus to support a narrative won't go unnoticed.


No_One_In_Particular said...

It is nice to see someone trying to help victims of female rapists as it seems like something society so desperately wants to sweep under the rug. Discussion on female rapists is pretty much taboo and that needs to change. As a victim myself it makes me happy to see someone else focusing on this as I was dismissed because my rapist was female.

Hannah Wallen said...

I think that has happened to a lot of male victims, by authorities and victim's support networks, and all too often even by their own families and friends.

The most blatant example of it is the CDC's choice to use research that defines rape to exclude victims of female perpetrators, especially when those victims are male, by excluding victims who were forced to penetrate.

It just needs to stop... but it probably won't until victims of female perpetrators refuse, en masse, to remain invisible.

mrcann said...

Thanks for posting this blog. I saw Phoebe's tweet and responded. She has emailed me back, let's see where it goes... I'm a victim of female domestic abuse. I have a blog too.... http://mistercann.blogspot.co.uk/

Hannah Wallen said...

Thanks for responding, and for taking the initiative to message Phoebe, and sharing your blog. I'm hoping that hearing from victims of female perpetrators will create the necessary awareness to help advocates trying to protect funding for assistance for recovering men and boys. As I understand it, in the UK, while women's funding was cut, men's was eliminated.

Greg Allan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Greg Allan said...

In my case there was nothing to report until three decades after the event when my state finally got around to making it illegal for women to rape boys. I was very fortunate to be seeking help in the time frame when the state of Victoria's (Australia) rape crisis network began admitting male victims. Regardless of their being no statute of limitations on sex crimes I would never formally report to police. Not because of a fear of disbelief ( I know the OIC of the Sexual Assault Unit quite well ) but because I'd feel I was cheating. It simply wasn't a crime at the time.

Thus I've NOT experienced the rejection under discussion in any FORMAL situation. However, through years of involvement in group activities for victims and other representative roles I've come to know many victims and their histories. I’m now a board member with the local rape crisis service which is part of the larger statewide network. As far as we know it's the largest INCLUSIVE network of it's type anywhere.

Outside Victoria and, to a certain extent the highly populated south eastern stretch of the country, it’s not so good. Stories about laughter and accusations of dishonesty from so-called services for victims were urban legend for me until I started meeting victims from the western three quarters of the country. (Denial of service is not unusual and to a large extent stems from a federal Labor government’s actions in the nineties.) In a bizarre twist Victoria is the state LEAST inclined to imprison female perps.

Possibly the most damning circumstance which has been shared with me was a man who, at fifteen, approached the rape crisis service in his town. He had been molested from age eleven and had tried to escape the perpetrator's clutches numerous times. She continued to blackmail him all the while, including threats to accuse HIM of rape. She was a family friend making it impossible for him to even tell his parents. Too scared to go to the police he went to the rape crisis service and was called a "shit stirrer" for his trouble. His "escape" was secured by his beating the crap out of her about a year later and spending several months in a boys detention home. He did eventually try to tell his parents but was disbelieved and has been alienated from them ever since.

I’ve been fairly outspoken about female perpetration since the late nineties. I wrote the following about three years ago summarising the sorts of responses I’ve experienced personally. It’s nowhere near exhaustive but does give one an idea. Sometimes I wonder why I persisted. Notably it's almost always been people who weren't actually involved in the conversation at hand.

Things I’ve been told or experienced when being overheard admitting to having been repeatedly molested by a woman as a seven and eight year old child…

You must have wanted it.
You’re lucky.
You’re privileged by it.
Women never do that sort of thing.
It’s harmless.
I’ve been assaulted.
I’ve been threatened.
I’ve been called a poofter, a fag, gay, a misogynist.
I’ve been told it’s hateful to women.
I’ve had feminists, who have also done all of the above, patiently explain how my male privilege prevented my aunt from NOT doing what she did. Some of them implied that I must have seduced her.

Dorothy said...

Your experience is great and learning for other peoples.

With one click... help hungry and homeless veterans. The Veterans Site.

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