The terms of that order are no contact.That doesn't just mean you're not allowed to contact her. It means she's claiming to be so afraid of you that she had to ask the state to intervene and make you stay away from her. It means she's claiming that contact with you is dangerous... which in turn means she should by all rights be averse to initiating contact with you. That she is doing so contradicts the claims on which the order is based.
If she contacts you, that can be seen by the state as an admission that she lied to get that restraining order. It's very hard to get an order removed, but proving that the holder of the order is violating it is one way. Once an order is permanent, upheld by a judge, you need evidence in order to even contest it. Attempts by the holder to contact you are the kind of evidence you need.
Sometimes an individual who has a restraining order has obtained it for the purpose of using it as a weapon in custody and property disputes, or simply as a weapon of abuse. If your ex is trying to contact you in ways that feel like an ambush, that might be what she is doing.
Protect yourself by documenting, keeping in contact with your attorney, and when possible, contesting the order in court on the basis of her continued attempts to contact you.
I've written a more detailed description of restraining order abuse and how to protect yourself in earlier entries in this blog.
Restraining order abuse and vexatious litigation
There are 4 pages to this. The page on documenting yourself as a means of self-defense against an ex using a restraining order as a weapon is the third page, titled "A Temporary Restraining Order Has Been Filed Against Me. What Should I Do?" If you are the subject of a permanent (whether long-term or just 5 years, as some states do) order, and the order's holder is trying to contact you, follow those methods to catch her in the act, but add to them documentation of your deliberate, meticulous avoidance of her. Show that you are going out of your way to not be places where she would go. This will be hard - you may have to live almost like a prisoner for a while, but if it helps you to demonstrate that she's the one trying to violate the order, it may pay off by helping you clear your name.
If your ex contacts you by any means of electronic or telecommunication, let your voice mail or other answering program pick up for you, and record it.
Edit: To show what a lot of men with restraining orders against them have to deal with, here are some of the google searches that have led people to the post "A Temporary Restraining Order Has Been Filed Against Me. What Should I Do?"
- what to do when there is a restraining order against you and you are falsely being accused of violating it
- false restraining order
- she has an order of protection against me and calls me
- do women break their own order of protection
- if she has a no contact order on me is she allowed to come to my job
- how do I stop a person with a restraining order against me from following me
- what can I do if a person who has a order protection against me comes near me on purpose
- how do I get my kids if my ex has a restraining order
- how can I stop my ex getting temporary restraining orders over and over
- ex has protection orders against all her exes
- recourse for false allegation charges
- restraining order abuse
- harassment through the legal system and how to stop it
- my wife has a restraing (sic) order against me she keeps following and having me arrested
- getting your stuff back during order of protection
- do i have any legal recourse for lies in a request for restraining order
- do i need a lawyer to defend me if served with a protection order
- can a social services make someone get an injunction on me for no reason
- can my girlfriend file a restraining order against me if i own the house
- do you avoid exs family during no contact
- help defending against a vexatious litigant
- if there is a restraining order against you what do you do about classes you take with that person
- does a person have to leave if a person with a restraining order filed against them shows up
- entrapment tro
(temporary restraining order)
- someone has a protection order against me but theyre (sic) constantly contacting me
- using the court system to harass
- what do i fo when a person who has a no contact order against me keeps calling me
- can I contact someone I have a restraining order against if we have kids together
- can I get penalized for contacting someone I have a restraining order against
- if u have an injunction on someone and you talk to them what happens to you
- what happens if you talk to someone you have a restraining order against
- what is going to happen if he talk (sic) to my family after restrain. order
- can I get someone arrested if I go where he is and I have a restraining order
- if I have a restraining order and he is where I go but leaves is it still a violation
- what happens if you don't go to court after filing for a restriction order
- does my restraining order stop his visitation
- can I use a restraining order to stop him going for custody
- compensation for restraining order
- I have a restraining order but I still love him
- can I still see someone i have an injunction against
- in have a restraining order against my ex, what happens if i let him in
- if I have a restraining order can I make him talk to me
- do I have to prove he violated a no contact order to get him arrested
- can judges tell if your (sic) lying about a restraining order
- consequence of lying for restraining order
- can people be arrested for entrapment
- baiting someone as to have them arrested
- can i discredit myself if i lie in order to get a temporary injunction
- can I get in trouble for saying he violated a tro if he didn't
- victim trying to bait violation of harassment order
- victum (sic) abusing restraining order harassing accused